Well a full week has passed and today I had my fourth ECT this morning. I understand that it was a good treatment with some good muscle movement which means that the stimulation is getting to the right levels. I am going to ask what the settings they have been using because this morning the Doctor said he was going to get a little more aggressive and turned the machine to 45. I doubt they go by volts but rather joules like on an AED machine so I wonder what the 45 means and what they were before.
Well, I do hate to report that after four treatments my depression has not decreased as of yet. Just last night I sat in the corner of the TV room just staring out the window. It is very hard to be locked up on a mental ward of a hospital because of depression and PTSD and while trying to heal with all the ECT treatments and staff not having one bit of compassion towards a victim and what it has done to ones mental process. I truly wonder if the whole situation could actually have a negative impact to what treatments I am having or if they will not affect them at all. I know once I read the report the anger, bitterness and depression set right in. I am concerned that the symptoms are getting worse by a few of the hospital staff while the doctor tries his best to help correct what is going on. It's a battle within me fueled by those who are now around me, and truth be told I am kind of nervous about it.
For now this is about all I am able to write because of the anger and depression I am having at the moment. It is time for me to go lie down and try and get some rest. I hope that I can sit down later and journal a little bit more about my feelings and how they are affecting me inpatient in the hospital as well as what my feelings are about the future in my current state of mind. Until Next Time..