Another Depressing Day

            Sometimes life brings new challenges and other days it just brings what it brings. When we wake for the day we never know what the day has in store for us and it changes every step we take, every turn of the corner. Depression is the same way; you never know when it will hit and just how heavy it will bring you down when it does. One thing I wish that I could predict when it will hit so that I can let people ahead of time.

Photobucket            I planned on blogging last night, however I was trying to figure things out and lost time around the usual blogging time. By the time I realized that I needed to get my computer, they closed the day room here in the hospital. Last night was another hard night as for some reason I hit a bottom of depression, and as always it just came on for no reason at all. I ended up going to bed a little after 3 AM and kind of laid there for a little while before falling asleep. They came into my room about 6:30 AM to get me ready for my second ECT which went well. The only thing I came up with was a slight headache. When I came up I laid down and was out till about 1 PM. I am not sure but they increased the amount of knock out drug from 80mg to 100mg and aside from lack of sleep I was still drugged up getting back to the room. I then came down to day room for lunch, and that was pretty good.

            Today again I am depressed again, it always seems like depression is all I feel. Course then again I did not receive my night meds last night and no meds this morning, maybe that has something to do with it I don’t know. Then again, I don’t know much anymore about my treatments and road of recovery I am on. The doctor said that I am going to receive eight treatments and wanted to go back to the original plan of me being in the hospital for a week and a half so he wants me to stay in until the 22nd just three days before Christmas. I feel really bad because I called my wife who I could tell was very upset that as of this moment there is no real clear plan or notes in my records, or that I was out for 3 hours before I had called her. I know I should have called her and not left her in the dark but I was so out of it I passed out and just could not stay awake let alone walk with the meds I was on.

            I guess I should go get my morning meds, since it is after 2 PM and I am feeling so low. Then again, that’s all I do is become depressed and I wish these ECT’s would kick in faster. I don’t know if raising my medications will help but I am now getting to the point where I am so tired of all this effecting my family the way that it does. It always boils down to my feelings, my depression and that it seems that I can’t consider other peoples feelings. I just wish the change I am heading for will come faster and sooner then later.

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