My own Poetry

Monday, November 29, 2010


Under the same moon.

Tonight is so cold, as I stop and watch my breath,
Proof that I am living under the full moons light.
I watch a single cloud move slowly on past,
And watch as it dances with the stars of the night.

As I stand here and watch, I wonder inside
Why I'm aloud to watch such a show?
When unlike many others, who are unable to see?
The universe dance in front of me as I stand down below.

You see many years ago, under this same very moon,
A different kind of show, a different act was played out.
For a child I just listened to what I was told,
And was handed a journey, a new kind of route.

From the very innocence, that made me a child,
To the essence within me that made who I am.
Was taken away before I undersood,
What these words meant, or would make who I am.

So as I watch the sky dance I truly do wonder,
If I am who I am, or could have been someone other.
Then the person that I am, the one I have become.
Or Isomeone I’m not, because of another?

Sunday, November 28, 2010


People often ask me.

People often ask me how it feels to be me,
Cause the abuse that I felt I still feel inside of me.
They make comments of sorrow, of sadness they see,
As I can’t really hide what happened to me.

I try not to show it, I try not to cry.
The visions I see make me wish I could die.
But dying ain’t an option, not the road I can take,
My family and friends love me, my life I won’t take.

So I carry this pain, the depression so deep,
A simple smile something that I just can not keep.
Some days I try hard not to let it be seen,
But I’m not a good actor in some hot movie scene.

So I wear this mask from the world I can hide,
Yet for some reason I carry a shadow at my side.
Cause people still see the real part I keep hid
When I some times can only act like a kid.

It’s times like this that inside I start screaming,
I question if my life does it have real meaning.
I cry what you did has made me this person
Trapped in my body like a child stuck in prison.

But I’m trying to recover I’m starting to break free,
I realize now what you did was not cause of me
People often ask me how it feels to be me
My answer to them, we’ll just have to wait and see

Sunday, November 28, 2010


What went through your mind.


What went through your mind, as you held me down?
And used me like a rag doll with no intentions to keep.
Did you think of my feelings, or did you even care?
That you took away my innocence from my very soul.

What went through your mind, as you looked at my face?
as the pain and the fear fell with each tear.
Did you think of a loved one, did you think anything at all?
As you killed the very essence of spirit that made who I was..

What went through your mind as you did what you did?
As you took every little bit of me piece by piece.
Did you think what you did was only an act?
Because what you really did has scarred me for life.

What goes through your mind now, do you think what you did?
Does it even bother you what you did was so wrong.
Do you remember what you did as I laid on that floor?
Because I will never be free, I am forced to never forget.

For the memories will not let go, what you did to me.
And I suffer it all over again when I see it in my mind.
Because now you’re the reason I can’t live my life right.
From the memories and the fears you placed in my heart.

I can’t say that I hope you’re well or doing fine.
I can’t say that I hope life is treating you good.
The only thing I can say and I wish for you now,
That God can forgive you, because I never will.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


The Seed of My Life.

There was a time in my life, where skies were so blue,
And the birds and butterflies, oh how they flew.
Where flowers grew tall and the colors so bright,
Where there never was fear, not even at night.

There was a time in my life, where the snow was so white,
And the new fallen snow was always so bright.
Where snowflakes were different as they fell from above,
And sparkled so brightly so freely with love.

There was a time in my life, no matter the day,
Where Life was so beautiful nothing bad I could say.
For nothing could break me or ruin these sights,
For living my life was part of my rights.

But then the day came where the sky had turned black,
Where I knew deep inside I could never go back.
The innocence so pure was stripped from my soul,
And my heart to me felt like a lump of black coal.

Where the birds had stopped flying as did the butterflies,
And the new fallen snow would only help cover the lies.
My body was broken and gone were my rights,
Gone from my memories were all the happy sights.

There was a time in my life, where I lived very free,
And this person had changed and abused all of me.
For my body was not the only thing that he touched,
But my mind and my soul changed ever so much.

No longer was I the boy that used to be me,
My whole world changed where no one could see.
The pain and the suffering he left me to bear,
He never considered nor did he ever care.

But my mind remembers the good in my life,
And from this seed of life I see something nice.
For my family and friends they really do care,
And I am going to recover, and this I do swear.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Tears.

I’ve never known pain, from this weight I feel.
Or the time needed, for these wounds to heal.
I have my own cross, that I have carried everyday.
Deep down in my soul, where all the wounds lay.

Many years of hiding, never telling a soul
Is starting to come out, and taking its toll.
Visions of past, so vivid and clear
It hurts even more, that I can’t shed a tear.

Was it normal, as I had always been told?
Or was I duped into this world, so very cold.
Right or wrong became an easy lure.
Feelings erased, thoughts so obscure.

My mind programmed, my thought all picked out.
It was a game back then, there was never any doubt.
Until I got older, and learned that all along
That age five to fifteen, I had always been wronged.

And now that these gates, that held it all in.
Have broken their silence, and now I must win.
For the fight of my life, to find who I am.
Is now a major battle, to see who I am.

I’m attacked from the left, and then attacked from the right.
Keeps me on edge, where I can’t sleep at night.
For I never know when, I will remember the past
A dream or a memory, or how long it will last.

And yet in this fight, that I feel inside
I’m loosing much more, then my manly pride.
My family is hurt, they don’t know how to act.
They don’t even know, how to even react.

I can’t loose my battle, for if I were to do
I could not go on living, feeling always so blue.
And I can’t loose my family, as they feel they have done.
This makes me feel, as if I should run

Where all of my problem, I feel are my own.
It affects family and friends, not just me all alone.
Yet it’s so hard to look, past my sense of fears
And not take notice, of my own families tears.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Who I am.

I see the first morning sun, as it wakens the day
As it peeks from the east, I really can’t say
Just how I will feel, as it moves east to west
To the last ray of light, putting the day down to rest

Many thoughts will fill my mind, as I watch the sun move
Will I stay grounded today, will I find that right grove
My composure my selfness will I be able to maintain
The thoughts and the visions will I be able to contain

With the sun moving west, and time moving too
I watch ever so peaceful with the sky made of blue
A relaxing vision to see all played out
As the sun and moon dance and move all about

With my toes in the sand, while here at this beach
Thoughts of every emotion, my mind I do teach
For as I feel today, calm quiet and safe
And I learn at this moment, that I am really am safe

I will take all this in, and store it inside
And use what I see as sort of a guide
To stop these emotions from where they do come
And let them all know, I’m in control and they are all done.

From running my life in all ways they can
For I will be a new me, it will be who I am

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


A place I can go.

It is said that my mind has a place I can go,
Where I can be free from the world that I know.
A place deep inside, safe from thoughts of my harm,
A place pure and simple, a place quite the charm.

With grasses so green, and butterflies of the many
With trees creeks and birds, the blue skies are plenty.
A place called my safe spot, my spot known of love
Where everything is simple, just like the morning dove.

Where safety is my shield from the cross of my past
Where I can remove this false image, of what I call my mask.

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