Who dealt the cards?

            Who stacked the deck of cards against me, that’s what I want to know. I follow a site on Twitter and tonight they posted three tweets in a row, most sexual abusers are someone in the family or someone the child knows, not the proverbial stranger with a lollipop, child abuse is far more likely to occur in the child's home than in a day care center and drug and alcohol abuse in the family makes child abuse about twice as likely. If this is all true which we all know they are then I was born with the wrong hand in the game of life.

            Most children know their abusers, how very true. Not only did I know my abusers they were family and as it says is more likely to occur in the child’s home. That’s two out of three so it’s not looking to good so far on this topic, not one bit. Alcohol and drugs, yup that comes into play as well which is in our home and I knew them very well. My brother obtained alcohol from a neighbor and what I remember he also had a drink when my parents were not home, and how he never got in trouble is something my sister and I cannot figure out, unless he had my mother in his pocket. My father was one who drank all the time, if he was not working he was drunk and I have no idea he went to work with hangovers. He worked part time at a bar and one of the perks was free drinks, it was an alcoholic in a candy store with a get free card. Mom, she lived on pain pills which I have no idea why she did because she had no reason to be on them. Those and Xanax were the pills of choice right up till the day she passed away. If life was played by a deck or cards, then my sister and I were dealt the worst hand one can be dealt.

            I watched how Oprah had the guy on there who told about all his abuse, that was vey hard to watch and listen to because it was very much like my life. My life was fear, lack of sleep and always on guard. Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse and Mental Abuse ran rapid in the family so much that anyone who came in contact with our family was sucked into it like standing in front of a black hole, there was no getting away from it. From my wife who I have spoken to and had a bad couple days’ realizing what it was that I did to help allow her to be abused because to me it was so normal. It was the way I was raised and it became normal to her. One of my sister’s boyfriends became a victim of my brother by himself as well as partnered with my sister. The things that we were subjected to like watch experience and do goes way beyond my own comprehension. Then I look at my parents, oh how they fought and I don’t just mean arguments either. My father would hit my mother, push her and she in turn would throw things and it did not matter what it was. They both tried to commit suicide in front of me, or I should say I was the one to walk into them doing it (Lucky Me) and would end up stopping it. Not only did the abuse go on for days, weeks, months or years it went on for a decade and a half. In fact, it went on longer then that and even longer for my sister even though I thought it had stopped for her,

            As my sister and I got older and the three kids moved out away from my parents, it was my brother who could not live too far away from them. In fact he was three streets over and spent 90% of his time awake over to their house. He would say my mother was more important to him then his wife was. If one of his kids got hurt it was my mother and brother that would go to the emergency room, not his wife. When it came time for shopping it was the same situation. I actually asked my wife if she thought it was possible that they could be sleeping together as it was that type of relationship. What I did find is that my mother was doing things for him that no one knew including my father. His cars, house, major purchases were all made by my mother and he was suppose to be paying for them but was not making any payments. By the time he was arrested he had over $80,000.00 in debt which including $40,000 that his mother in law co-signed for, No wonder when my mother passed away she left everything to me niece, because she was my brothers daughter and as far as she was concerned my sister and I rocked the boat a little too much. Heck, my father stopped talking to me the day my brother was arrested because I turned him in. Dysfunctional family is not even close to the family I lived in.

            Well, I am going to make this short because most of this I have already said but it was those three statements that got to me tonight. It made me realize that from the start of everything the decks were stacked against me and my sister. In the end we thought we had the final card to play when he was arrested but all along they left the last card which has me fighting for my own life. Until Next Time…