Road to Recovery: My own thoughts along my path.

            Today before sitting down to dinner this Thanksgiving I was checking on my Facebook page, when one of my friends had posted a fortune cookie which said click here to read. So, I clicked the button to see what it said and the phrase “The first step to better times is to imagine them” came up. I looked at my fortune and thought a little bit about what it said and how true it was for me, including every survivor working so hard on their own recovery. Imagine them as if to say set some goals and reach for them. Once you reach your goal you will find better times. Make one think and realize just how true that statement is.             When I was working, the team I was on was always working towards one goal. When we reached that goal we would then set another set of goals to reach and this was how we moved through the day and this is how we stayed focused on the job at h...

            For the past month, I have been sharing parts of my past, present and thoughts. It has been a hard month as it has been over the past nine months when this volcano erupted causing a massive flux of memories. I have learned many things on my road to recovery but the one thing I have learned is that what I have done during these nine months is not what someone should do. I gave up friends, I deleted everyone from my Facebook, refused to talk to people on the phone and let emails go unanswered. Just as the beetles sang "you get by with a little help from your friends" I found that the most important things in surviving are friends and family. My family here, my sister in Florida , friends from work and groups such as MaleSurvivor.org and Betrayed Boys where meeting other people who share a past in more ways then one. Sure, it’s not like sharing your favorite color, or car, or ice cream but a past that was created at t...

            This coming June will mark twenty one years since I got married and thirty four years since we have met in an old fishing camp on the shores of Oneida lake. She was eleven years old and I was thirteen at the time but when your camping friends are easily made, and they always come and go unless they return the next year and you get to meet again. Our friendship started out as a telephone relationship until she was about sixteen years old when we were both able to spend the night at each others home, go camping or meet up to do things.             For someone who has been sexually abused for just about their entire life, the acts and the situations almost become normal and this is one reason that the question comes about as to if I asked for it or not. My wife and I at that age had already been talking about things that happened during my life as she was starting to s...

            Today is Monday November 22 nd and I type the date because it has been 2 days since I posted a blog. I am feeling very depressed and withdrawn and tonight I don’t know what to write about. I am back on the downswing of this roller coaster and I do not even know why. I spent most of today sleeping, I just could not wake up to save my own life if I had to. Sometimes the depression gets so deep like today, just like the last blog I stated it was one of the top 10, which this is going into that top again.             Over the weekend, we took our foreign exchange to New York City and it was horrible for me to say the least. Leaving for the trip I normally feel save in the car with my wife however as we drove further and further from the house the more uncomfortable I got and scared, I was stepping way out of my comfort zone and had no real safe place to run to if I ne...