Road to Recovery: My own thoughts along my path.

    Today I had a meeting with a group of people of a department I am looking to work with. In this meeting we discussed a lot of issues and topics, one of which was my PTSD which raised a few questions which of course the first one was if I was in the Military or not. Of course within recent years due to the amount of wars we have taken part in, the country is becoming more aware of  the term and is becoming a more recognized mental illness in our community today.      What really surprised me, and almost angered me, is the lack of real knowledge of just what PTSD is and how it can and does effect a person. There almost was a sense of fear in the conversation as if they needed to walk on egg shells. Now this was not a job interview so it was not like anything was off key however questions were asked and it was really evident that the questions asked and the manor they were asked in really showed just how uneducated they were, almost to the point of ignorance which I don't condem

     I previously blogged about walls that someone who has been abused will build inside their mind to protect themselves from further abuse and to hind behind from the abuse they have endured. These walls can sometimes be so strong that even the closest of family members or loved ones have great difficulty even getting a chance to peek beyond them for a chance to understand or to strengthen the bond one currently has with a person who has been abused.      For someone who has built these walls, even for them they find it very hard to ever let someone in fully. Often friendships and relationships are gripped with mistrust, skepticism and fear which is well hidden from the one whom the person is attached to. Although these issues are not the intention, they are a natural protection that comes from these walls and serve as the main source of stability in ones mind and life. For a loved one who has to deal with someone who has these walls, stress and anxiety will often follow for them a

    My previous blog post talked a lot about what has happened to me over the course of the last two years. Obviously there was a ton of details and specific actions in the blog that was left out only because the post could have almost turned into a small book had I truly started from the beginning and wrote about events until that blog was posted.      But what that post does bring to the forefront is what every person who suffers from any type of mental or physical abuse trauma and that is the fear of being abused again. While the actual event of the trauma weighs heavy on the mind and soul of a person, the fears of reoccurring abuse is what brings on the stress associated with that specific trauma. It's within this stress that the body reacts and takes on a defensive in different forms which could include phobias, terrors in dreams, panic attacks and many other reactions that effect everyday normal living. It is dealing with these that one suffers the most from because a major

     Tonight is confession night as I again feel I need to start my blogging again. It's been since 2011 when I last posted to my blog and so much has happened to me, my life and the view of my future. Ever since a three week stretch, in an out of two hospitals my life has begun to take some changes in both the way I think and feel. I have been told by several people that they have seen a change in me, and I hope that the path I am on is closer to healing rather then heading towards either another breakdown or let down of emotions.      E motions, the key to what keeps me going and what has me starting to write in my blog again. The fact is, on July 9th I broke it off with my girlfriend and also was informed my divorce was in fact final. For those who followed my blog in the past read how strong my family was for me and how I was getting by with them in my life. Fact again is that all that was lost when someone came into my life and in my condition was able to take me away from m