From behind these walls.

     I previously blogged about walls that someone who has been abused will build inside their mind to protect themselves from further abuse and to hind behind from the abuse they have endured. These walls can sometimes be so strong that even the closest of family members or loved ones have great difficulty even getting a chance to peek beyond them for a chance to understand or to strengthen the bond one currently has with a person who has been abused.

     For someone who has built these walls, even for them they find it very hard to ever let someone in fully. Often friendships and relationships are gripped with mistrust, skepticism and fear which is well hidden from the one whom the person is attached to. Although these issues are not the intention, they are a natural protection that comes from these walls and serve as the main source of stability in ones mind and life. For a loved one who has to deal with someone who has these walls, stress and anxiety will often follow for them as they try and understand just why it is that the person they love so much just can't break down just a little part of these walls to allow them to understand and be able to help which every loved one wants to do.

     When someone is abused, as I have stated before, the mind will build a wall for protection and a safety zone for the person to hide mentally from getting further hurt. These walls can come in many different forms of reaction such as withdrawing from family and friends, eating and living disorders to the way one even takes care of their own body known as personal hygiene. The sense of feeling dirty because of the abuse, the sense of responsibility and other internal feelings of blame will rest and hide within these walls as well. Most often someone who has been abused will always ask, "Did I ask for it" or "Did I do something to provoke it". These questions come from within these walls in order for the person to seek answers to questions that in many cases will never be answered. If they feel that they can accept some of the blame then they can stop any further abuse from taking place ever again by changing what ever answer they choose to use.

     The whole purpose of these walls is protection, protection from the outside as well as the inside. What many people do not understand is that once abused, the mentality of a person changes in such a way that what once was something easy to comprehend becomes quite the opposite. Thoughts become much more complex as they try to analyze just what happened, why it happened, why them and what if anything it was they did to have it happen to them. They begin to look at even the simplest tasks, such as combing their hair, and begin to question if had they done it different could the abuse been avoided. People change because of these thoughts, and it is often the loved ones who see it happen but there is little they can do to convince the person that what they are changing is not really always the case for the reason of the abuse. Some people have gone as far as changing whole life styles in fear that the way they lived before was the main reason the abuse took place.

       When the walls are used to protect from the inside it is often called the safe zone in the mind. Many times when one feels trapped or unprotected from the outside they will retreat into the walls as a way to disassociate themselves from what is happening around them. This practice is quickly learned subconsciously as a defensive mechanism to retreat from the reality of the world around them. Sometimes in doing this the mind will create an alternative personality, or alter, that will come forward to the outside world while the essence of the main personality stays hidden behind the walls, self protected from the fears they possess. This is what is termed DID, or Dissociative Identity Disorder where one takes on the identity of two or more specific identities each having their own traits and thoughts. Only through the process of healing and breaking down these walls can one begin to blend, or combine back to one personality. It is however a very hard process to deal with and takes lots of patients and perseverance of ones counselor and inner self in order for this process to happen.

         While these walls are purely something built in the mental state of the mind, they are very real. Not everyone will have the ability to allow someone in without trust, and as I stated before, mistrust is a main reason the walls are built. It takes time for someone to let their guard down to allow a loved one even close to getting in behind a portion of these walls. Complete care and understanding is a must if you truly want to share in someone's life who suffers from abuse. And although we may be referred to as survivors, the fear and stress of being a victim or abuse will forever remain a part of the person and being able to be allowed behind the walls will not always mean you are fully in. Take the time to understand, listen and be mindful of the situation. Like the game of chess, one wrong move and you could be out faster then you were when you were let in.

Comments

Vesta Duvall said…
Recovering from sexual abuse ain't easy. It's not something physical, but rather mental and emotional. which is the hardest to heal. Collective support from family and other peer groups can help a victim survive this. Also, an assurance that whoever did abuse them will be punished under the law, can help them recover faster from the trauma.

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