Road to Recovery: My own thoughts along my path.

            Today I sit in the TV Room wondering how things are going and if the treatments are helping at all so far. I know I have only had five treatments so far I just do not feel that my emotions have changed for the better as of yet. Today I am feeling stronger then normal tremors throughout my body, and my mood over the last couple of days has been lower, just as I was when I first came to the hospital two weeks ago. I am not sure why these feelings have seemed to creep back, but for some reason my sense of safety is lower and I do not know why.             One thing for sure is that I have also slept quite a bit, the last three days they have actually come to my room to wake me for all my meals. I have fallen into that deep of a sleep during the day with the inability to go to sleep very easy. I find that I lay down and almost feel like I lay there for an hour before my...

           What you are about to read is something that is real, it is not fake and things have not been added to this story. This is one of my abusers that took advantage of me a couple of years after my brother first started his sexual abuse on my sister and me. Here is my story: It was only four days after Christmas when my birthday arrived. Growing up in the military as an Air Force brat, my tenth birthday was the one I had waited for as long as a nine year old could.   You see, when you’re a son or daughter of a parent who is in the military it is the first time you get to receive your first military dependant identification card. Being a military brat, as children of service people are called, turning ten was just as if not more important as turning sixteen. Just like four days prior, I could not sleep that night and was ready to jump out of bed at the first sign of light as it peeked through by my bedroom...

       Here is another journal page I wrote last month about a bad night I was having. I talk also how my family sometimes deals with me although I have their full support.        Tonight is now September 24 th and it is 12:33 in the morning. I am sitting up watching a DVD for no reason at all. I am not tired, then again I was up late and slept till 2 in the afternoon. What I am right now is paranoid, scared and in a panic attack that has been going on for the last several hours. I don’t know what is making me this way but I do have a feeling. My family is getting really sick and tired of me being this way. my wife tells me almost everyday how she can’t deal with me sleeping the day away and not having any time for her. I know that she is right; I know I am doing what I don’t want to be. Hell I am getting sick of how I am. I am sick and tired of my fears, my depression,   my sleeping all day long, sitting down...

Before I head off to bed, I wanted to share some writing I did after I watched a clip on Oprah after my sister called to tell me about it. It will really give you an idea of what this blog will be like. This was written on October 20th. Below is this note.             Tonight is Thursday October 20 th , 2010 and I sit here very depressed and feeling so very low. I cannot begin to tell in words how low I feel. I talked to my sister who also shares my abuse. She told me about an Oprah show that just made her cry; she said I needed to watch it. Well on the web there was no place to watch the whole show, only excerpts of the show. He talked about the worst beating that he took and it brought back memories of beatings that I took. I have no idea why I was beaten with the wooden spoon in VG. That’s where the spoon broke over my leg. I don’t even remember the whole beating, only the part where it broke. I mentioned to my sister abou...