Grooming, truth be told.

           What you are about to read is something that is real, it is not fake and things have not been added to this story. This is one of my abusers that took advantage of me a couple of years after my brother first started his sexual abuse on my sister and me. Here is my story:

It was only four days after Christmas when my birthday arrived. Growing up in the military as an Air Force brat, my tenth birthday was the one I had waited for as long as a nine year old could.  You see, when you’re a son or daughter of a parent who is in the military it is the first time you get to receive your first military dependant identification card. Being a military brat, as children of service people are called, turning ten was just as if not more important as turning sixteen. Just like four days prior, I could not sleep that night and was ready to jump out of bed at the first sign of light as it peeked through by my bedroom window letting me know that the day had officially arrived. I jumped out of bed so fast that I don’t really believe my mind had a chance to fully process that I had just switched from pajamas to clothes for the day.  

            The very next move on my list was to let the rest of the family know I was awake. As I rounded the corner from the hallway to the stairs that would take me down to the living room, I could already hear voices just above the sound of the television letting me know that my parents had already woke to start the day. This day was extra special because becoming the age where you’re able to get your ID made you feel like you were becoming an adult because in order to enter some stores I would have to show this card to enter, just like having to show a card to get into a grown up restaurant. I was so excited there was nothing that could change my mood on that day, but little did I know that this day would also to be the start of the second chapter in book of my life. Then again, when your ten years old, chapters never seem to start or end they just kind of blend together like a play changing scenes without the curtain ever coming down or the props switching from one to another. Just as the play runs on, so did the chapters in the book, overlapping each other never seeming to end as the next started.  

            In school I also had a group of friends that all played together on the playground, specially one girl who was one of my best friends in school. It also happened that this girl’s mother was the teacher on the grounds and also became really good friends with me both in school and outside. So naturally I would visit outside of school and got to know the family very well, and now that I had reached ten years old I was old enough to volunteer at Family Services on base which was a service that provided loaner furniture to arriving families new to the base when their household belongings had not yet arrived. It was fun to go to work with my friend and mother for a couple hours a weekend, and since we all went together her mom drove me to and from work. Some days my friend would be sick and not able to go but I was always ready because I felt that it was fun to have a job even though I was not paid. On these days, her mother would pick me up alone and we would both ride in together and she would always bring me straight home. She was never late picking me up and never did I arrive home any later then she said I would. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as we would ride to work, she drove and I sat in the passenger’s side talking about school or what we may have planned for the day. It also did not seem out of the ordinary when she would rest her hand on my knee as we talked, as she always did with my friend. I got pretty comfortable with this because she seemed to treat me like a son where my parents did not do and besides she was only treating me the same way she treated her own daughter. Some days as she drove, the sun might get into her eyes or something because she would miss my knee and would rest her hand more on my thigh as we talked. One day, she missed my thigh all together and landed in my lap right on my groin. I was taken back but it was okay because she said it was an accident and said she was sorry that it had to do with her driving and not able really see where she was putting her hand. That was okay, I could understand that after all we were friends and she would never hurt me anyway and we were friends so the longer she might keep her hand there the less I would think about it being anything else but her resting her hand as she drove us to work.

            Then just as I had turned ten my friend had a birthday and of course I was invited to the birthday party so I rode my bike over to her house because she did not live very far away. We had cake, ice cream, played some games and went outside to play. After the party I was allowed to stay for dinner so I did not leave after everyone else did. I can remember very clearly her mother sticking her head around the corner down the hallway from her parent’s bedroom calling my name asking me to come down she wanted to show me something. When I came down she pointed to something on the other side of her bed just between the windows and the bed. I remember turning around and looking at her as she closed the door and locked it behind her. I really had no idea what she was doing, because maybe it was a present for her daughter she wanted to show me and did not want her to see it. However, just as fast as I could blink my eye things changed and I could feel my heart beating very fast as she sat next to me and placed her hand on my crotch as this time she was not driving a car. The words she spoke was, “I heard you were a great kisser” and proceeded to force a kiss on me, not on the cheek or forehead but right on my mouth.

            To this day I have no memory of what happened next but I do feel as if she crossed the line during and after that kiss. My only next memory was me riding my bike home crying as I rode as fast as I could back to my bedroom where I might feel safe. I have no idea how I was able to get out of the bedroom or her house to be able to ride my bike home. I feel I was lucky to be able to be riding my bike but this overlapping chapter would forever be forged into my mind and memory.

            What happened now as I have learned is that I was being groomed during all those trips to work. I was made to feel safe and trusting and never needed to tell anyone about what was going on, after all nothing was going on or so I thought.  After the party I was all groomed and ready for what would become an attack on my innocence what little I had left in my soul. I never told my parents what happened that day in fact it would not be another eighteen years before it would come out as a flashback and a nightmares. I had no idea where my life was going in the beginning and little did I know how this would forever change my life. I pray that this post will help someone realize just how easy it is for a child to be groomed and taken advantage of. I also would like to let people know that if it sounded easy, imagine how it could or would have been if she had bought the book off Amazon. To this day, I cannot pinpoint what took place after that kiss but things are starting to come forward and I will not know if this will soon come out or not. Thank you for reading as this was the hardest thing I have ever written. Until Next Time…