Little bit of nothing.

            Today I sit in the TV Room wondering how things are going and if the treatments are helping at all so far. I know I have only had five treatments so far I just do not feel that my emotions have changed for the better as of yet. Today I am feeling stronger then normal tremors throughout my body, and my mood over the last couple of days has been lower, just as I was when I first came to the hospital two weeks ago. I am not sure why these feelings have seemed to creep back, but for some reason my sense of safety is lower and I do not know why.

            One thing for sure is that I have also slept quite a bit, the last three days they have actually come to my room to wake me for all my meals. I have fallen into that deep of a sleep during the day with the inability to go to sleep very easy. I find that I lay down and almost feel like I lay there for an hour before my body decides to fall asleep. Once I get to sleep I fall into that deep sleep and stay there not really wanting to wake up. I am not sure if this is a longer side effect of the ECT treatments or if my body is getting used to the treatments now and my original symptoms are starting to come back to the way they were before I started the first treatment, this I am not sure and I am going to have to ask.

            It does look like my last inpatient treatment is going to be on December 22nd and I believe I am going to stay until the next day to see how everything goes. At least I will be home on Christmas day which has always been a special day for me, especially growing up as a child. Then four days after that my 45th birthday, wow am I getting older. One thing I can honestly say is that journaling is somewhat difficult because I have experienced some short term memory loss, more so in the fact that when I think of something I am not so good at keeping the thought in my mind for so long. I don’t really have a big problem with memory of my past but rather things that happen today or over the last several days. One thing they did say was that this would be a side effect of the treatment but that it will not last that long, I don’t think it will last long and I don’t think that my memory loss is a severe as what they have warned me about. In fact, the whole treatment is nothing what they warned me about. We have a new person on the floor who has been receiving outpatient treatments and she said that she is normally in by 6:30 AM and home by 11:00 AM so it really looks like it is going to only be a couple days a week mornings only.

            Well, I am going to make this post short as I am going to go take my medications and relax before dinner comes around 6:00 PM. Tonight I have to stop eating and drinking after midnight as tomorrow is going to be my last inpatient treatments so might as well get ready for that. See if I can order up an extra desert just to keep the taste buds happy. But, this is a hospital so we both know the chance of that is pretty slim, but worth a try. Until Next Time..

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