Day six for ECT, Unknown day for DID.

            Today is a mile stone in my daughter’s life and again my illness has me away from the event. Something she wanted me to be at for the longest time, take her to her driver’s license road test. Just like several major events in my children’s lives I am not able to attend to see how she will do and the reaction she will have when the instructor hands her the pass/fail slip. This time however I am in the hospital receiving ECT treatments, which today happened to be my sixth one.

            I have yet to truly experience if I have started to feel less depressed or anxiety, but I have noticed that my tremors have increased a tad bit however I do not feel the need to hide in my room like when I am home and retreat to my bedroom. I do wonder what affect this has had on my DID or my Alters as I have not had any communication with any of them. I still sense the presence of Keith, the eight year old, when I go onto Netflix and watch cartoons and Disney and I wonder if the increase in tremors may be a result of the ECT and it’s effects on the body or if it also includes effects on my Alters.

Photobucket            Most times while I am home, and one of my Alters comes to the forefront of my mind, I can feel my body experience what I call shifts of energy starting in my feet and legs as it moves up my body almost as a numbness of sorts till it reaches my mind. This is the only way that I can describe what happens when I start to dissociate and often drift into my past or feelings that I am experiencing from within and I am almost unable to express them or understand them on my own. One thing I will have to wait is to go home to see my wife because she often is on the receiving end when they do manifest and begin to speak. I do not understand this, unless she is the one who remembers that I drifted and if I am alone or the people who I am with have no idea or the ability to see a change in me. In the past, my actions were often written off as acting childish or just not acting my age. Now I can see why the Doctor told me that I act as if I go into a self hypnosis or trance when I blank out. Blank out because I have no recollection of what I say or do during an episode.

            Well tomorrow will be day number sixteen for being in the hospital and the day they are going to discharge me. Future treatments will be on an outpatient basis where I get to be at the hospital by 6:30 AM and from what I understand I will be home by 11:00 AM which is not to awful bad. In, Shock, Out then back to bed, oh what a plan that is. What really is lousy is the fact that I will not be able to drive for the rest of the day from being drugged up from the procedure. So, for now I will close out and rest my mind for a little while. I still have the dry mouth from this morning, a slight headache and tiredness from this morning. Hopefully I will be able to add some comments tonight. Until Next Time.

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