In the hospital for long awaited ECT.

            It has been a couple days since I have blogged, and I just wanted to explain why I have not been on. I have finally been admitted to the hospital to start my ECT treatments that I have been waiting for. The amount of depression that I have been writing about over the last two months just has become so overwhelming that I have kept pushing for this because the amount of medications I am on has not cutting it for me. Yesterday on my daughters ninth birthday, they found a bed and I took advantage of it.

            Checking in was just like checking into any normal hospital for an expected procedure with questions of past and history. They took all my vitals and given a tour of the floor where everything is located, given a room and allowed to settle in. I ended up going to sleep about 9pm and woke up beginning at 9am. I was woke up for blood work and fell right back to sleep, several minuets I was woken for a chest and spinal e-ray which again came back and fell a sleep, same with the CAT Scan and EKG. I finally woke and got about of bed about 5:30 today, after eighteen and a half hours of sleep I actually attended a group on Stress Management and ate a little bit of my dinner. I know that I was depressed again, and I told my wife when she dropped me off that I was scared because for some reason I did not feel safe and was stepping out of my comfort zone. All my prior hospital stays I was on the ward and was always locked in, the same with this floor I am locked in however I do not feel the sense of security as I did before. The shakes and feeling of emptiness are pretty strong and I cannot explain any of these.

            I finished all the tests that are needed for the ECT so I am not sure if it will be started on Thursday or Friday, they are hoping to do at least two sessions before allowing me to be released to make sure my body and mind can handle the sessions. After the two are completed I will continue to have treatments on an outpatient basis and currently there is no amount of treatments or and end date in mind yet. The only thing that I am scared about is the loss of memory that comes as a side effect from ECT. They said it should last at most two hours but after research it could last up to two days. That is what I am afraid of the most. But what I have been afraid about I am about to find.

            They only allow me an hour on the computer, so this entry is going to be short. I do plan on using the other moments I have to type up a draft or maybe even a poem or two on what’s going on here and with my mind. I hope That everything will work out and sure goes the way I hope it to be. Until Next Time..

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