Thinking of things frozen in time.

            I have found the reason for my depression yesterday and the same depression I am feeling today. In order for the ECT to work they have to take me off one of the mood stabilizers that I am on, which happens to be the same medication given to people who have seizures. This medication would cause a problem with the ECT as it causes seizures as the electric shocks trigger the brain. And just like the AED’s that are used when a person is having a heart attack by blocking the natural electricity to the heart, this is used to change the way that the electrodes pass through the brain that causes depression.

Photobucket            So as you can tell, today is another depressing day which happens a lot. I do also believe it is the lowered meds and having to be in the hospital for this has me doing a whole lot of thinking which for me is never good. I seem to be sitting here looking back over the last several years of my life and just how my past has affected me and my relationship with people, work and other things that I have done. Being in the hospital where they only have 3 activities a day each lasting about twenty minutes each leaves too much time for thinking. It leaves a lot of time to think about how some aspects of my life moved on while others seem frozen in time, waiting to me melted free.

            Tomorrow is going to be day number three for ECT treatments. So far the only after product that I come upstairs is with a headache. They tell me that loss of memory will also accompany these treatments but I am not sure if I will see this as noticeable as my short term memory is already effected by either the medications I am on or if it has to do with the trauma and the realization that has caused my mind to slowly drift. I only hope and pray that they come back and sooner then later because there is so much I have lost and so much more I can loose.

            Well, today’s post is going to be the shortest on here so far. I have slept most of the day and continue to be tired. Remember, the one thing I do is sleep it away rather then do anything stupid when I am feeling this low. I sort of wish that I could get my ECT treatments every day to speed this up, however I know this is not going to happen. I also hope I am out on the 22nd of December as my daughter takes her road test, however I have an ECT scheduled for 7:00 am that morning and by the time 2:00 PM rolls around I will still be sleepy from the knock out medications that they give me to put me to sleep. My doctor did tell me that If I am able to go home right after a procedure I can expect to go home after 11:00 AM. So if I do get a ride home I can always ride with her to her test which will be sweet. Well, like I said going to make this a short one. Until Next Time…

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