When Family does not Understand.

       What does one do when Family Members find the truth about the past and how do some handle the healing process that goes along with it? What happens when the person you love so much finds it difficult to deal with the setbacks, the flash backs and the memories.

       This is the problem that I get faced with every once and a while. I have an aunt who tells me "You need to just forget about the past, move on and stop thinking about it", a wife who understands and is there to help but once and a while becomes overwhelmed over the problems that fight often occur or a sister who was also abused who tell you "No one is going to understand unless they have been abused, they will not have a clue why you do what you do or feel the way that you do.

       Although I have been married for many years and before I was married I revealed what had happened, the mental breakdown seems to be bringing up old memories, flashbacks and thoughts that to me are new yet I told my wife years ago. Her first reaction did not understand why these things were bothering me as I have already shared most of what I am feeling to her already. There are  a lot of new ones that we are both dealing with including the realization that not only did my mother know, you could very well show that she did nothing about it which had my brother put away for life plus 30 years for child molestation.,

       This breakdown has severely affected our married life as well as our intimacy in our marriage. I have withdrawn in many ways from the depression I have on almost a daily basis, and when I withdrawal I have a tendency to spend most the day in bed or on my computer in almost a vegetable state. We sometimes will get into heated arguments over the fact that I have become this zombie under the control of what is going on. She has admitted that she has actually considered leaving me a couple days ago because my attention towards her needs, her emotions and basic partner time has been almost null because of my state of mind. When I am depressed it takes away, not only me and my mind but the interaction between my family and me. My children comment that Daddy does not do anything any more with them and it's basically the depression that is doing it. I can't get a grip on the depression and it has me so low I am getting so sick of it you cannot imagine.

      I do know this, that aside from my family not understanding the emotional roller coaster I am on, trying to find help for my family has become very hard. On several occasions my wife has contacted services to inquire on issues to try and get help on how to deal with me and on every conversation she is told they can help her but she is not allowed to discuss me or my medical problems. How does this help her to not only assist her in being able to handle my ups and downs, but how can she get the help to be able to discuss what she is going thru with me in this state and still be able to discuss her own emotions that she is dealing with. Not only does she have to deal with her own emotions thru this but she has to continue to be a mother, taxi, parent and everything also that she does. How does she cope with my problems when my ability to be a father, husband and partner is diminished because of the depression along with the flashbacks, lack of sleep which only makes matters worse?

       This is definitely something that not only takes over ones life, consumes a person but also severely affects every family member in the house. They don't and almost can't feel what it is like to experience what I am going thru and that really makes it hard for them to understand and to fully be able to support the issues at hand. How am I able to help them to understand when to be honest, I don't even understand what has happened to me and I don't fully understand what I am going thru. Till next time...

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